Monday Blues....... And rainy days! And a sprinkle of Lawyers' jokes

Yeah.. Whatever!!!

Conversations between lawyers and witnesses.


1.)Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


2.)Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?



3.)Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.Q: And what were you doing at that time?


4.) How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

5.)A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"



6.) How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say "Fees!"



7.) Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig is at home in the mud.


8)   A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I???m sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."

9.) A mother and son are walking through a cemetery, and pass by a headstone inscribed - "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man." The little boy reads the headstone, looks up at his mother, and asks "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"


10.)

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense. The deputy says, "License and registration, please." "What for?" says the lawyer. The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please." The lawyer says, "What's the difference?" "The difference is you have to come to acomplete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says. Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." "That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says. At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?" hmmmm feel the hate for lawyers? no idea why... maybe they charge too much..